The Interview

so how's your day been so far? ok, ive been sleeping all morning cuz i cant sleep at night, i have trouble sleeping, not sure if its stress related or health related maybe too much on my mind or maybe not doing enough during my days....

oh...well, lets get started. tell me about yourself? well, what do you want to know?

anything. ooookay..well lets see, i'm self diagnosed borderline bipolar, i dont like people fucking with me, i dislike sarcasm, i dispise dishonesty, stupid people annoy the shit out of me, i do believe in conspiracies, i do believe in the occult, rich people need to give up a lot of their money cuz ya know, a game of football or a t.v. series really isnt worth that much fucking money.... what else... oh, i love dancing, i love food, but not crap food cuz its so not good for you, you'll end up looking like a washup walrus or some crap like that. liquor? yes i love it, but no im not an alcoholic but yes, i can probably drink you under the table. what else? sex fiend, possibly, i know my mind is dirty enough but of my own, not trying to make people laugh or be offended on purpose. hmm...well, i do maintain a family and friends and those we may call aquaintances but of course always looking for new ones, seeing as how the majority of mine are back hometown. as for something directly work related, how about this, go do something!

hmm..well, tell me, what can you bring to the table? i wont take your crap or anyone elses crap, that's for sure, i'll come in, do my work, and get the fuck out. i'm slightly anal. i like to do things the way they work for me, but i'm willing to compromise on situations. i dont like lazy fucks so i hope the team you have already doesnt stand around idle. i dont like gossip or drama so if you have team members that thrive for type of shit, i will gladly and openly A-ignore them B-tell them to shut the fuck up!

i see, so, where do you see yourself in 5 years? Not fucking here, that's for sure! the only reason i'm sitting here with you is cuz there was a slight kink im my original plan, yes i did have plan b but plan b eventually brought me here. ah well.

so why do you think you're the right candidate for this position? haven't you been listening to a fucking word i've said?! haven't you read my freaking resume?! its all there in black and white and everything i've said to you is in plain english. sorry if i dont impress you with fake smiles and well recited verses. asshole.

ok great, well, i'll set up a second (or third) interview and call you with the date and time. ahh fucking geez, is every decision here gonna take this long!? what happened to having the power to make an executive decision?! alright, peace negro, i'm moving on.