it was a beautiful afternoon. sunny. cool air. light breeze. autumn is my favorite season of the year. however now is spring and its almost as lovely. spent the best hours with my sister and mother. now at the time when i need it the most. over lunch/dinner and drinks we spoke and laughed. connected. tales before told but in better detail of the life once lived. my father ruled over our city with his colombian drug cartel, or something of the sort. no wonder growing up everyone knew who my dad was..."oh you're Javier's daughter! yea i remember...." and so it would go. i always knew he was in that. but the details of the life were always blurry. speaking on mistakes made and killings done, deals gone right and wrong. i'm the daughter of a successful colombian drug dealer. a murdered drug king. and so it is.

i've never been persuaded to that end. world knows i've had my bit in snorting and swallowing substances of many sort. to deal though...nah...fuck that. especially now with lil beauties running about.

we were nice. left to liquor store to buy a bottle to take home. continued drinking. spoke to my lover. how much i do love him. its amazing. and here i am. with him in mind in soul in heart. and words to express. and tequila rose to ingest.

and how else can i express my deep desire of caress...its him it's me together to be we are now one continue holding heating loving bleeding..........

love me more

i looked at the pictures on the wall. people i dont know. then i saw his face. aww so handsome. he's smiling looking off somewhere. oh he's in a tux. ohhhh... she's next to him. in her white dress. its a picture from their wedding. that's why he didnt want me to look at those pictures. it's ok, just part of his life.

i let the shower fall on my face the next morning to hide the tears.

funny how emotions work.

but he's mine now and for many tomorrows. we're so happy when we're together. just a few days at a time. once a month.

strange how emotions grow.

and my brother falling in love with a girl my lover used to date. i'm ok with it. he's happy and that's what matters. what i'm annoyed with is my lover not telling me. what does that mean in the picture.? the thought that keeps coming is what else has he not told me.?

anyhow. that's that.

unstable emotions.