~

i know i want to be happy. sometimes i genuinely feel it. i know i want to smile more often, and laugh more often. when i do it comes out so loudly; almost obnoxiously; as if it build up was so long it exploded. my sun kissed dreams make me smile, even cry without wanting, the vivid scenery as if memories over fill me with joy.

and yet my eyes dwindle with weight of many years passed and not lived. the first few notes of low songs strike me as if i'm the instrument. knowing the notes of a more up beat tune but perfects the blues. my soul is sad and weary, carrying shackles of past lives living to become the wind or the stars...